OppositesConnect.com
About a month ago there was a write-up on All Over Albany about a new online dating site being developed called Opposites Connect. The gist of the site goes off the premise of “opposites attract.” I think it’s a brilliant idea! The founder Larry Wilson is set to launch the site on June 1st. If you sign up on the site now you’ll get a free membership for life.
Earlier tonight I stumbled upon the Opposites Connect Facebook Fan Page and started reading through the status messages. They ask questions in their status messages such as “Heinz or Hunts?” “Mary Ann or Ginger?” “Partridge Family or Brady Bunch.” The one that caught my eye though was this: “What sticks out in your mind as the most memorable, intriguing, special moment of a recent date, or any date you’ve been on?”
LIAR!!
Well, as many of you know I have gone online and played the online dating game. (And it’s funny that I call it a “game” because my profile always said “No head games!” LOL!) I have stories to tell, both good and bad. I think the most memorable one was with a guy I’ll call Joe. Joe asked me to meet him at Houlihan’s in Crossgates Mall for a drink one night after work. (I LOVE Houlihan’s Guavatinis!!) We got together, had a couple of drinks and even ordered an appetizer. Our conversation was okay, but it was kind of bland and I really didn’t find the guy super physically attractive. Plus I HATE it when people lie. (Always tell the truth!!) Joe’s profile said he was 5′ 9″ – did he somehow think I wouldn’t notice that he barely came up to my shoulder? (I’m 5′ 6″) Fast forward a little bit – to when the bill arrived. Joe dove for it. Fine, I’m not going to arm wrestle and tear it in two. I asked him to see the bill so I could at least pay half. He insisted that he pay.
The Bill
I have male friends who were participating in online dating around the same time and they always complained about girls who went out with them, got dinner, etc. and never called again and how they were going broke because of it!! So, being the considerate gal that I am I thought it only fair that I pay half for two reasons. One – I didn’t know the guy well and felt I should pay my own way. I didn’t want to feel as if I “owed” him anything. Two – Since I really wasn’t attracted to him and knew we wouldn’t be going on a second date – I felt guilty letting him pay.
After about half an hour of going back and forth about the bill I finally just gave up and let him take it. Trust me – I argued. I couldn’t let it go on any longer because I was honestly getting really annoyed. If I had liked the guy prior to getting the bill, the back and forth over who was paying would have killed any shot of a second date because he was kind of a jerk about it.
Moving on – we walk out into the mall to say our goodbyes because I had plans and had to meet someone. He said something along the lines of “I had a really nice time with you – would you like to go see a movie this weekend?” I told him that I thought he was nice, but I really didn’t think we were a good match and I didn’t want to waste his time. Can you believe the guy had the _____ to say “Are you kidding me? I just paid for your food and drinks and you won’t go on another date with me??” The guy honestly looked like he believed I was into him and I owed him another date as if he bought a ticket for admission. Can you imagine how annoyed I was at this point? I think I told him something along the lines of “No, you’re not getting a second chance to make a first impression, and for future reference, starting an argument with a girl on a first date is NOT a good idea. I made myself clear I wasn’t comfortable letting you pay – you insisted and I caved so you wouldn’t cause a scene in the restaurant.”
I have other interesting dating stories in my archives, but I’m curious what stories you guys have. Since I think for the most part I have different readers – I’d like to hear your answer to their question on Opposites Connect’s Facebook Page.
“What sticks out in your mind as the most memorable, intriguing, special moment of a recent date, or any date you’ve been on?”
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I’ve been on a bunch of dates recently, and I don’t really have any horror stories like that. As far as my rules about paying, as long as her share is under $30, I at least offer. By that point, I have already decided whether I’d like to see her again, so if she puts up resistance and it looks like she might be interested in seeing me again, I try to defuse the situation by presenting “the deal.”
“The deal” is me saying something along the lines of “how about this? Allow me to pay this time, and next time you can pay as long as it’s not more expensive than this.” It’s not like I’m actively trying to weasel my way into a second encounter; its more like gauging whether my feelings that she wants to see me again were right.
The key is to not present it as a confrontation and to be a gentleman about it. Nobody wants to argue, let alone with someone you just met…
I think the way you handle it is VERY good. This guy got VERY confrontational and the way I see it, if you’re going to be confrontational over something like this, how would he behave when a major issue came up as they inevitably would at some point in a relationship. I think your “deal” is a great way to gauge how the date went.
I do have to say though, I don’t think it made the situation better by (a) arguing about who’s gonna pay for 30 minutes and then (b) flat out telling him on the spot that you didn’t think he was a match for you. I really don’t see what you stood to gain by making either of those points…
No, I really wasn’t looking to gain by either point, I was just at the I don’t give a crap breaking point.
I have to say I find it ironic that you happened to use the name “Joe” as the liar. I know a Joe that does just that!
As in Joe your husband?
That would be the one.
Uh oh – what did Joe lie about?
Pretty much everything. If I happen to visit NY soon, we will have to get together!
Oh no! Are you ok? Call me if you need to talk.
I have to ask…how did you argue over the check for a half hour and it never came up that there wouldn’t be a second date or that you weren’t interested?
Well at first the argument was me playing coy and kind of teasing “come on, let me at least pay half.” Or “I don’t want to be one of those free-loading girls.” etc. I was trying to be nice. I tended to not directed tell dates that there won’t be a second date. But this guy pushed me to do it. Oh well.
Some people can’t take a hint.
I never had a problem springing for dinner on a first date or second or third date. I wanted to put the guy in his place from the start. He needed to know that I was independent and didn’t need to rely on him. I think more women should spring for a check, or there is nothing wrong with paying half, like you were trying to do. You knew you weren’t going to see him again and that was nice to offer. I think opposites attract for a reason. My husband is very laid back where I can be the feisty one. Two Feisty personalities don’t make a match trust me, been there done that.
Oh I agree, two feisty people = eternal arguments!! I think though that sometimes opposites attract because it gives the people some independence and space from each other once in a while. I think a healthy mix of common and different interests is a good thing.
[...] week we talked about a working dog and a tree-climbing rooster. I told you about a website called Opposites Connect that is launching soon and a bad date I went on. You got to meet and learn more about my friend Jessica, we talked about loaded questions, [...]
[...] week we talked about a working dog and a tree-climbing rooster. I told you about a website called Opposites Connect that is launching soon and a bad date I went on. You got to meet and learn more about my friend Jessica, we talked about loaded questions, [...]