Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Technology’ Category

[tweetmeme] Do you remember when I asked for donations for the No Destination Poker Run to benefit The Ronald McDonald House?  Well one of the awesome donations we received was a 40″ Flat Screen TV!!  The group decided to sell separate raffle tickets for it.  The tickets are $10 each and the winner will be pulled on August 28th at the Poker Run.


You need to be local to Upstate NY because the winner of TV will need to pick it up in Round Lake, NY.

You can purchase tickets for the raffle or register for the poker run at The Rusty Nail in Clifton Park, Bentley’s Tavern in Malta, or The Mill on Round Lake.  You can also leave me a comment and I will contact you through direct email with more information if needed.

Thank you in advance for your support.

Who’s coming on the Poker Run?

Please comment and subscribe.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

smAlbany Small Business Day 2010

[tweetmeme] I started my day remembering a blog I’d read the night prior.  Tea Contains Less Caffeine Than Coffee on the Broken Secrets blog.  I couldn’t get my caffeine soon enough!  I rarely drink coffee, but when I do I get the caffeine kick I need.  Since I knew I’d be talking to people though – I did them all a favor and DIDN’T drink coffee.  Coffee breath stays with me all day — so I opted for Mountain Dew Typhoon instead.  (I needed something caffeinated to help me function on 2 hours sleep!)

College of Nanoscale Science and Engineering

Once Michael and I checked in at the registration desk and mingled some, we settled in to the auditorium at the College of Nanoscale Science and Engineering building (For those that don’t know it’s the big glass building at the corner of Fuller Road and Washington Avenue Ext. in Albany)

Below are some notes about the forums that were offered.
I found as I started writing this that it was VERY difficult to keep up with all the information the panels were presenting.  Many of the following sections will appear more as “notes” vs. a “narrative.”

Times Union:  Tools for Small Business Success

Speaker: Tena Tyler – News and Information Services Senior Editor 518.454.5324

To have your business information printed in the Times Union you need to understand your audience.  You need to know how to speak their language.  She stressed that a business needs to know when to call an editor.  If you’ve sent in a press release and two weeks have passed and it hasn’t been published, make sure you call in.  Tena stated that one of the biggest problems with small businesses in the region is that they don’t accept that online is a form of publication.  Many businesses are turning to Facebook and Twitter to market their businesses, but small businesses seem to be slower to use the online medium for marketing.

The TU wants to help small businesses in the region
If you have a story about your business: TUBusiness@timesunion.com
If you have a business event and would like it added to our business calendar: TUCalendar@timesunion.com
If you want your event to be in the print version – please contact them 3 weeks in advance
Eric Anderson – Business editor 453-5323

Speaker: Craig Eustace – Retail Advertising Manager 518.454.5529
Craig spoke about the paid marketing that the Times Union offers.
The Times Union now has Niche publications.
Life @Home – geared towards your home – design ideas, DIY projects, etc.
Healthy Life – geared towards women’s issues and things women would like to read about.
Explore – Where to go what to do – travel/tourism
In Motion – Automotive magazine
Vow – Brand New – Wedding magazine (Just launched Tuesday!)

You can advertise your small business in these publications to get your ad in front of a targeted audience.
Pay per click is also offered.  You will know how many people clicked on your ad.  It is track-able so you will know what your return on investment is.

They offer direct mail marketing.  They can provide demographic lists.  For example – If you’re a roofer – they can get you a list of all houses in the readership area that are 25 years or older.  You can target them and send your ad to those target customers.

Tim Cronin & Lisbeth Calandrino

Keynote Speaker:  Lisbeth Calandrino – Make It Happen
Lisbeth CalandrinoOwner of Lisbeth Calandrino Business Consulting, speaker, trainer, business coach and author of Red Hot Customer Service.

We have huge growth in the technology market in the capital region.

2 out of 3 jobs are created by small businesses

Earlier this month Sam’s Club did a survey of their small business customers.
“What is it that you need in order to stay in business?” was the main question.
The answer: MONEY!  Sam’s Club partnered with the National Business Association and the Small Business Administration to figure out how to get small business loans for the small business community.  If the small businesses don’t have money to maintain their businesses, it will directly effect Sam’s Club’s bottom line.  This act alone shows that Sam’s Club partners with their customers.

What do small businesses need around Albany?
Many have good business but it isn’t steady.
Figure out how to get your customer out to shop.
Consumers are afraid to shop.  Afraid to spend – need to save their money.
If you want to make it as a small business, you need to be a partner with your customer
It’s your job to be friends with you customers.

She quoted 212 – The Extra Degree by Sam Parker & Mac Anderson
“At 211 degrees, water is hot.
At 212 degrees, it boils.
And with boiling water, comes steam.
And steam can power a locomotive.”

Meet the Media Who Cover The Local Business News
Moderated by Lydia Kulbida from WTEN and Times Union Blogger

The Panelists
Larry Rulison
Lauren Rose
Mary Darcy
Mike Hendricks

Read your tweets and messages out loud.  Would you want to buy whatever your pitching?
Engage with your audience – have a fun personality.
Friend every reporter out there to get your name out in many forms of media.
Comment on the blogs, Facebook, Twitter….
Interact with your customers on Twitter & Facebook with personal tweets and comments.

Times Union – Panel on Social Media, Blogging and Your Customers
Moderated by Mike Huber – Interactive Audience Manager at the Times Union

The Panelists
Sonja Stark

Merci Miglino
Lissa D’Aquanni
Rev. Alan Rudnick
Vic Christopher

Questions that you should ask yourself prior to blogging are:
“Why should people read your blog?  Why should they care?
People blog for different reasons.  Some blog to market their business, others blog to build a sense of community.
“Careful what you put out there.  Count to 10 before you hit publish.”
“What degree do ethics play in a community?”
Rev. Alan Rudnick spoke about people who “hide behind the veil” AKA – Anonymous bloggers.
Merci reminded us that “Blogging is a knee jerk – reactive media.”
“If you don’t believe in your product, in yourself, and that you can cheer yourself out of a corner – you shouldn’t start a blog.”
“Be a follower OR have a following.”  Your choice.
They spoke about the recent “Ding Dong Ditch” incident that happened locally last week.  Why did it become such a firestorm?  It was a story that contained emotion.  It could happen to any home owner.    Social Media helped that story spread like wild-fire.  So much so that CNN picked up the story.

An audience member Karen McGowan spoke that she hadn’t considered a blog for her business until today.  The panel encouraged her to start blogging about her business Capital Interior Scapes an interior plant scape business.  By blogging she would humanize her business and she would appear as an expert in her industry.  She could post customer recommendations, pictures of plant-scapes she’d designed, lists of plants that people could consider and so many other things.

Going Mobile – The Mobile Revolution in Social Media
Presented by Rhea Drysdale of Outspoken Media and Verizon Wireless

Why is  mobile taking over everyone’s lives?
It makes our lives easier.

What is social media?
“Social media are media designed to be disseminated through social interaction, using highly accessible and scalable publishing techniques…  They support the democratization of knowledge and information and transform people from content consumers to content producers.”

Benefits of social media
New customer acquisition
Current customer outreach
Loyalty rewards
Corporate branding
Personal branding
Brand monitoring and management

They spoke about using Facebook, Twitter, Ning, Yelp, FourSquare GetListed and Know Em to market your business.  Go to these sites and fill out your business profile.  They stressed to fill in EVERY blank and as many keywords as are relevant to help your business come up in internet search engine results.

54% of the phone users in the local market use Verizon service.
30-40% of them are smart phones.
52% of the phones sold last week in his store were smartphones – ie. Droids, Blackberries, etc.

Top 10 Things Your Small Biz Website Needs in 2010
Presented by: Miriam Paska – Creative Strategist from Intellisites

She didn’t present them as a “Top 10” but some of the key points were:

Have a unique Design
You need to know who you’re competing against and what their web presence and marketing strategies are.
Keep your important information “above the fold”
You want the viewer of your site to see the important information without having to scroll down the page.
Use keyword phrases in your blog and on your website so you will organically show up on Web search results.
She also spoke about using Google Alerts to monitor the online activity of your company name.

Using Social Media For Your Job Hunt
Presented by: Alexis Grant

Use social media to:
Tap into your existing network
Expand your network s to include contacts at the companies where you want to work.

Facebook
Biggest online community – most bang for your buck – IT’S FREE!
People know you, like you, and WANT to help you
Great excuse to keep in touch with people who could help you

She stressed the importance of making small-talk first.  Don’t friend request someone and immediately ask them if their company is hiring.  Make some small talk and as the conversation evolves, your job search will be mentioned.

Alexis spoke about using your Facebook privacy settings to control what potential employers could see on your profile.    You want to be personal, yet still professional.

LinkedIn
Connect with professionals you might not want to see your personal life on Facebook
Your resume will appear on Google, showing potential employers what you want them to see.
LinkedIn has job boards as well as groups you can join based on your alma mater and industry.
You can find out background information about potential employers
There is an introductions feature that you can use to meet someone who a mutual friend knows.

Twitter
Network outside your circle of friends
Prove yourself as an expert
Hear about jobs
Keep on top of new trends in your industry
Make connections with companies and employers who may not have otherwise noticed you)

Tips when using social media
Fill out your profile completely
If you’re not going to do it well, don’t do it at all
Rather than being on every network – choose a few and grow quality followings

Thank you to Tim Cronin and Larry Zimbler for the invitation to be a VIP Guest Blogger at the smAlbany Small Business Day 2010.  I look forward to interacting with you in the future.

smAlbany Image from: http://www.smalbany.org
Mountain Dew Image from: http://thishelpdesk.com/mountain-dew-typhoon/
College of Nanoscale Science and Engineering Image from: http://todaysfacilitymanager.com/facilityblog/2009/12
Tim Cronin and Lisbeth Calandrino image by Michael T. Henry: http://tcrpmg.wordpress.com

Read Full Post »

…at least if you ask me or just about anyone who grew up in Red Hook, NY!

Holy Cow ice cream is a landmark!!  Don’t just take my word for it, check out some reviews here.
They also have 2 Facebook pages.  Holy Cow Ice Cream and Holy Cow – Heaven in Red Hook.

Many people I know who have moved out of Red Hook, make it a point to visit Holy Cow prior to leaving town.
There’s a reason the line looked like this when I got there:

Line out the door and across the parking lot!

There is a reason that people are willing to wait on a line like this for ice cream!
Here’s what the line looked like about 45 minutes later:

Line STILL out the door.

Is there anything out there that you’re willing to wait on long lines for because it’s worth it??

(sorry for the horrible pictures, all I had was the camera on my phone)

Please comment and subscribe.

Read Full Post »

Boston Self Portrait

Today Michael and I took his Mother out to Boston to Tuft’s Medical Center for eye surgery.
All went well and she’s back home and comfortable.
While in the waiting room I was playing with the camera on my cell phone and I took this picture.
I was surprised you can see me so well!  (Especially considering how dirty my laptop screen is!!)

Do you like having your picture taken?

Please comment and subscribe.

Read Full Post »

When NASA first planned to send up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $1.2 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass, and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 Celsius.

Zero Gravity Pen

Confronted with the same problem, the Israelis used a pencil.  (If you go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero_gravity_pen it explains why the pencil really wasn’t a good idea though)

Someone forwarded me this online a few weeks ago.  It made me think.  Why do we go out of our way so often to make things more complicated than they need to be?  I think we’ve gotten too programmed by society to do everything bigger and better than the person or persons before us – that we tend to over-think everything.  Sometimes we just need to take a step back and simplify.  Sometimes the route from point A to point B can still be a straight line.

Find pleasure in simple things again.

Can you think of an example in your life were you’ve gone back to basics and gone the simple route?

Please comment and subscribe.

Read Full Post »

I LOVE Heist Movies!!!!!I’ve always loved heist movies.  The word heist is defined as: “to commit armed robbery or steal.
I’m an honest person.  I don’t steal things or rob places, but for some reason these movies have always been my favorites.  I’m going to tell you about a few of my favorites.

The Thomas Crown Affair ~ 1999

The Thomas Crown Affair I think this one is my all time favorite.  In the movie Thomas Crown (Pierce Brosnan) is a millionaire who loves his Monets.

San Giorgio Maggiore at Dusk ~ Claude Monet

Throughout the film Catherine Banning (Renee Russo) is an insurance adjuster is trying to prove that Thomas Crown was the one who stole the painting.  There are twists throughout the movie and it’s fun to watch Thomas toy with Catherine and the local detective on the case.   (Denis Leary)  There’s also a great sex scene on the stairway of Thomas’ mansion….  The music in the movie is wonderful.  The theme song The Windmills of Your Mind is performed by Sting and is a great song.  So check out my favorite cat and mouse game that is The Thomas Crown Affair.

Ocean's Eleven ~ 2001

Ocean’s Eleven What a great movie!  There’s one of the best all-star casts you could ask for as far as big names: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Bernie Mac, Elliott Gould, Matt Damon, Don Cheadle, Casey Affleck, Carl Reiner, Scott Caan, Eddie Jemison, Shaobo Qin, Andy Garcia, and Julia Roberts.  In the film they rob 3 Las Vegas casinos (Bellagio, The Mirage, and the MGM Grand).  They plot and plan with the precision of surgeons.  George Clooney plays the ringleader Danny Ocean.  He has a personal vendetta against Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) because he is dating Danny’s wife Tess (Julia Roberts).  The only way to get to Terry though is hit his pride/hit his wallet.
I found out a few interesting flaws in the movie (there are many) while I was researching this post:

  • Danny Ocean says that Nevada Gaming Commission regulations require casinos to have enough cash in their vaults to cover every cent in play on the floor. In fact, no such regulation exists.
  • The $100 dollar bill is currently the largest US note in circulation (and has been since the sixties). One million dollars in $100 bills (10,000 notes) weighs about 22 pounds according to the US Treasury Dept web site. Therefore $160MM dollars would weight about 3,520 pounds. There is no way eight people could carry that much weight in canvas bags in one trip from the vault to the SWAT van.
  • During the robbery, the first set of 6 bags which allegedly contained half of the $160 million actually held fliers for hookers. As Rusty had instructed, they were sent up from the vault using the elevator, and carried out of the casino and placed in the white van by Benedict’s men before the SWAT team arrived. However, there is no explanation about how the fliers were transported into the vault in the first place – Danny and Linus did not bring them, and there would not have been enough extra space for that much paper in the cart that held Yen.

The Real McCoy ~ 1993

The Real McCoy is a movie that not too many people remember.  In the movie Karen McCoy (Kim Basinger) is a former bank robber who was recently released from prison.  Her greedy parole officer (Gallard Sartain)  holds her son hostage and threatens to put her back in jail if she doesn’t pull off one final bank heist for his boss Jack Schmidt (Terence Stamp)  She enlists the help of her biggest idiot fan J.T. Barker (Val Kilmer) to pull it all off.  Check this one out if you can find it.

The Maiden Heist ~ 2009

The Maiden Heist is a newer movie out to DVD.  I watched it for the first time last month and found it amusing.  It was an art heist where 3 museum security guards decide to steal their 3 favorite pieces of art before the new museum curator can have them sent to their new museum owner in Denmark.  Morgan Freeman, Christopher Walken, and William H. Macy all put in amusing performances.  (If you like art, check out my Art Blog)

Gone In 60 Seconds ~ 2000

Gone In 60 Seconds has got to be another one of my favorites!!  Aside from the fact that it stars one of my favorite actors Nicholas Cage as Memphis Raines the movie kept my interest the ENTIRE time which is tough to say for alot of movies.  Like Ocean’s Eleven this movie has another all-star cast.   Angelina JolieGiovanni Ribisi, Robert Duvall, James Duval, Scott CaanDelroy Lindo, Chi McBride Christopher Eccleston, Vinnie Jones, Timothy OlyphantWilliam Lee Scott (He’s from Hudson, NY), and T.J. Cross.  Just in case you live under a rock and haven’t seen the movie, it’s about a retired car thief who has to come out of retirement to pull off a 50 high end car heist in 1 night to save his little brother’s life.  There are some BEAUTIFUL cars in this movie as well as funny scenes (remember the snake?) to keep you glued to the TV.

The Saint ~ 1997

The Saint is a movie that many people have forgotten.  I was always a big Val Kilmer fan so when this movie came out it was something I needed to see instantly….  Val plays a character named Simon Templar (one of many names he uses throughout the movie) who is a professional thief/master of disguise who says once his bank account gets to $50,000,000 that he’ll retire.  His last transaction is working with the Russian Mafia and his last assignment is to steal the formula for cold fusion from Dr. Emma Russell. (played by Elisabeth Shue)  What he doesn’t count on is falling in love with her.  When he realizes that the formula isn’t complete and the Russian’s will stop at nothing to get it to work Simon realizes that Emma won’t be safe and goes to her to keep her safe.  Also stars Rade Serbedzija as Ivan Tretiak.

Heist ~ 2001

Heist starring Gene Hackman, Danny DiVito, Delroy Lindo, and Sam RockwellGene Hackman plays the brilliant leader of a gang (Delroy Lindo, Ricky Jay & Rebecca Pigeon as Hackman’s youngish wife), which pulls off complex heists for a despicable fence (Danny DeVito). After stiffing the gang on a jewelry robbery, DeVito forces the gang to go after a Swiss gold shipment and to use his nephew (Sam Rockwell) in the crime. No one trusts anyone and every step is shaded with the unexpected. Summary written by John Sacksteder (off IMDB)

Flawless ~ 2007

Flawless starring Demi Moore and Michael Caine is a diamond-heist thriller set in London during the 1960s. Demi Moore plays Laura Quinn, a bright, driven and beautiful executive at the London Diamond Corporation who gets frustrated as she watches man after man get promoted ahead of her despite her being more experienced.  Michael Caine plays Hobbs, the nighttime janitor at London Diamond.   Nobody notices Hobbs, but over the years he’s worked there he’s acquired extensive knowledge about how the company runs. Observing Laura’s frustration, he convinces her to help him execute his plan to steal a hefty sum in diamonds.

The Score ~ 2001

The Score was a great movie starring Robert De Niro, Edward Norton, Angela Bassett and Marlon BrandoDe Niro plays Nick Wells, a professional criminal who almost got caught on his last job.  He wants out of the business for good.  His plan is to live in peace with his girlfriend Diane (played by Bassett), and to run his Montreal jazz club NYC.   Nick’s good friend Max (played by Brando who’s also his financial partner in his illegal dealings) has an offer Nick can’t refuse.  A historical and priceless French sceptre has been discovered while being smuggled into the country.   It is under intense surveillance in the Montreal Customs House, and soon will be returned to France.  Nick has to team up with Max’s man inside.  When Nick and Jackie Teller (Norton) meet it isn’t exactly love at first sight.  Nick thinks he’s young and careless.  They go into the job together, and only one question remains: Who will trick whom out of their share?

The Italian Job ~ 2003

The Italian Job starring Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Donald Sutherland, Jason Statham, Seth Green, Mos Def, and Edward Norton.  A team of expert thieves pull off a heist in Venice, Italy stealing 35 million dollars worth of gold bars.  One of the thoieves betrays his team and swipes the gold for himself.  A year later, in Las Angeles, the remaining team members create a smart and devious plan to steal back the gold and get their revenge on the traitor.

The Doberman Gang ~ 1972

Finally I’m going to mention a movie you’ve probably never heard of.  In The Doberman Gang a bank thief decides to train a pack of doberman pinschers to rob a bank after a failed bank robbery attempt.  Dobermans are a breed of dog that trains extremely well and there’s less room for deviation in the robbery.  Even though this is an old movie, it’s nice to go back to an old school movie to remember how it was all done before we had computers and all the technology used in most heist movies we see today!  According to Wikipedia there were two sequels to this movie as well which I haven’t seen.  If anyone has them I’d love copies!!

What are some of your favorite heist movies?  Tell me, maybe I haven’t seen them yet!!

Please comment and subscribe 🙂

UPDATE!!
Please comment and tell me what brought you to this blog.  I’ve been getting TONS of hits on it months after it was published.  I’m just curious why….

Read Full Post »

I’m going to start out by saying that none of what you are about to read is about anyone that you know online or anyone you’ve met or anyone I’ve talked about, so don’t start speculating that you know this person.  I can guarantee that you don’t.  Literally about 5 people I know have met this person and they don’t read my blog so…  moving on.

I have a very close friend who is in a relationship.  He met a girl about 6 months ago.  He liked her and they kept in touch.  He went to see her roughly once a month and then at the beginning of January they decided to step things up and see each other more often and see if they could turn things into more than what they previously were.  One important thing I’ve left out is that she lives 3 hours away from him.  (He just moved last weekend – prior to his move it was 8 hours)

I would like to see your honest opinions of what you’d do in his situation.  What questions would you ask?  Would you run?  Would you stay and sort it out?  What would you do? What advice do you have for him?

Buckle up, put on your crash helmet and hang on.  Here we go….

He met her one night while traveling in a bar at a hotel he was staying in.  They got chatting for hours and at the end of the night she gave him her number.  He thought she was cute and the conversation was good so he kept in touch with her.  The girl is married with two young children.  She is estranged from her husband, but they’re not divorced.  He’s moved out of the house, but I’m not sure when that happened.

My friend has been the one to drive back and forth to see her.  He’s been the one who always seems to be going out of his way for her.  (Each visit costs him $200 between his hotel room for the night and gas)  She understandably can’t just up and leave to see him for the weekend because of her children.  I wonder if this will always be the way.  Even after she’s divorced will she be able to take the children out of the county where her and her husband lived?  Divorce laws vary by county in the state she lives in.  And they do NOT recognize legal separations.  They’ve been keeping their relationship behind closed doors until she speaks with an attorney (this week) to find out the consequences if her husband does find out she has a boyfriend.  The way I see it, since her state doesn’t recognize legal separations, it would probably be viewed as adultery.  Could this possibly jeopardize her custody situation?  I’m not sure.  While we’re on the issue of her kids, how easy is it going to be for my friend to raise someone else’s kids?  Will her ex-husband make it a living hell for him?  My friend obviously can’t even meet these kids to see what they’re like.  (Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand this, it’s not healthy for kids to meet everyone their Mom or Dad dates until it’s serious)

She seems to communicate with him most often by text messaging.  Picking up the phone and calling him seems to be a foreign concept for her.  He’ll send her a text at 7AM and he might hear back from her by 2 in the afternoon if he’s lucky.  She’ll ask him to text her when he gets home after work so she can call him.  He’ll send the text at 7:15PM and not hear back from her.  She’s used the excuse over and over again that she fell asleep with her kids.  That excuse is getting really old and tired….  This is the first month the two of them have been dating more seriously and she doesn’t seem to care about communicating with him.  When she DOES communicate it’s always sweet, nice and flattering, it’s just getting her TO communicate that’s the problem.  She’s asked him to let her know when he’s home from work so she can call, he’s passed up dinners to wait for her call that never comes.  He really likes her and didn’t mind sacrificing some time with his buddies for her, but he DOES mind it when she couldn’t be bothered to call.  She paints a really pretty picture with her words and flattery, but she doesn’t seem to back it up with actions.  You know the old adage “Actions speak louder than words.”  My friend is willing to drop everything and pick up that phone and make time for her whenever.  Again, he’s going out of his way for her.  But it’s getting to the point that he feels like he’s 10th or 12th on her list.  I understand that her children are first, as they should be, but he should be right up there at the top with them.  He doesn’t feel like he’s important to her because she’s not showing it….  He talked to her a few weeks ago that she needed to step up her communication skills and this is how it’s been since then.
Is she just playing head games with him?
Does she want to be chased?
Is that why her communications skills SUCK??
She seems to have a lot of time that’s unaccounted for.
What’s she doing that she can’t call or text him?

My friend mentioned to her at one point that he wanted to join the rest of the world and go out and get a laptop.  He works with computers all day long so the last thing he wants to do when he gets home is play around on the computer.  He’s been thinking about it though.  When he told her this her response was “What, are you going to go and get a Facebook account too?” (and she wasn’t saying it in a joking way)  She said that she likes that he’s not online.  (I’m not sure if she’s worry he’ll cheat on her, catch her online, or be hit on by other women??)  She did tell him that she has a MySpace that she rarely uses.  What she failed to mention is that she does have a Facebook with a decent number of friends.  We don’t know if she goes on it often, but isn’t it kind of hypocritical?  I’m not saying she has a ton of friends – in fact she’s got nothing compared to me, but the point is it’s pretty shitty to make it clear she doesn’t want him on there when she is.

Every time they’ve met up since the night they met, they’ve met at a hotel in the town where she lives.  They hang out there and don’t go out in public because they don’t want to run into her ex or someone that could tell him.  So one weekend he went with her to a football game out of town.  It’s the first time they were ever really in public together.  She spent pretty much the whole game flirting and heckling a guy who was sitting in front of her.  She ignored my friend.  He almost walked out of the stadium and went home.  When he finally confronted her about it, she didn’t understand why he was upset.  That would have been a deal killer for me.  Disrespect is a HUGE deal killer for me.  For my friend it usually is too.  This girl played it off that she didn’t think it was a big deal.  The guy she was talking to was cheering for the other team and she was having fun.  If it was me and I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in weeks, I would have spent the whole time talking to him because I hadn’t seen him in a couple weeks.  But that would be me….I wonder how she’ll behave in public next time they go somewhere? I hope she learns from last time….

He made a comment on one visit that she could be cheating on him and he wouldn’t even know it because he lives so far away from her.  Her response was “When would I have the time?”  That sounded like a very evasive answer to me.  My response would have been something like “I have you, I don’t want anyone else, and you’re the guy for me and the only one I want.”

A big concern that my friend has is that from what he sees this girl has never had an example of a healthy relationship in her life.  Her Father left when she was young and her parents divorced.  Her Mom remarried and got divorced again.  She’ll even admit that she knew she was making a mistake the day she got married and referred to her marriage as “lust at first sight.”  She’s never had a healthy relationship to model herself after….  This girl is 35 years old and loves to watch The Real World and Jersey Shore.  Isn’t it time to get interested in something a little less juvenile?  I have friends who watched Jersey Shore and asked if they can have that hour of their life back.  My friends concern is that the more you watch crap like that on TV you get desensitized.  You start to think that cheating and treating people like crap is ok and it’s a way of life.  When he brought this up to her she told him to watch Sex In The City if he wanted to understand women.  Seriously? I think a comment like that is the kiss of death for this girl.  My friend is an old fashioned kind of guy.  He’s got manners, morals, and values.  He doesn’t treat women like objects.  Is this guy watches that show, he’s going to think all girls are like Samantha who’s out getting laid with a different guy every night of the week.  That is not what this guy wants to see.  He doesn’t need to see Carrie go out with one guy and go to a bar and make out with another guy.  Saying women are like what you see on Sex In The City is not the way to get to this guys heart.  (And for the record I LOVE SITC, but I’d never tell a guy that’s what all women are like and what all women want!)

This girl is good to him face to face.  She can carry on a great conversation when they’re together and she’s got his attention.  Something about her made him notice her.  The problem for her is that his attention is waning….  He went to see her last week and was going to lay a lot of these issues he has with her out on the table among others (YES there are OTHER issues on top of all these) but when he got there she had cooked him a nice dinner and brought it to the hotel, so he felt bad about coming into that with an ambush and didn’t bring it up.  He also didn’t want to stress her out a couple days before she’s going to talk to an attorney because he realizes that talking to an attorney will be stressful enough.  He cares about this girl quite a bit, he says they do have some stuff in common, but I feel like she just doesn’t know a thing about him.  If she did she wouldn’t be behaving the way she is.

My friend is honestly one of the sweetest, nicest guys on God’s green Earth, but he’s the rebound guy.  (She says she hasn’t dated anyone since her husband)  He’s a great guy, he isn’t controlling, he thinks that both parties in a relationship should be making decisions together, but she seems to be wearing the pants and controlling where this relationship is going at the moment and in my friends words “No cat will ever walk this dog.”

As I’ve talked to him I’ve come up with tons of unanswered questions.  Obviously my first one is security.  My friend makes good money, has a house, nice car, a few expensive toys on the side…  Could she just be looking for a soft place to land?  A sugar Daddy to take care of her and her kids?  Or does she really care about him because he’s a great guy and how he makes her feel?  My friend puts his girl up on a pedestal.  Since he started noticing all this stuff he’s knocked her down a bit, but he still treats her wonderfully through it all.  He doesn’t want to become a doormat though.

Another concern is if he sticks it out with her somehow and then she gets her divorce will she leave him in the dust and ride off into the sunset with some other guy now that she’s free of her marriage??  Having been through a divorce myself I’ve explained to my friend that she will be a different woman after all is said and done.  I know I went in one way and came out the other side much harder, less trusting, annoyed much easier….

I worry quite a bit about my friend.  (Hence this being the longest blog I’ve ever written) There are questions sprinkled throughout this whole situation.  I worry that if he breaks up with her though without getting some sort of closure will he forever wonder what would have happened if he stayed?

What are your honest opinions of what you’d do in his situation?
What questions would you ask?
Would you run?
Would you stay and sort it out?
What would you do?
What advice do you have for him?

Thank you for reading this!  I know it was long winded and I REALLY appreciate it.
Please subscribe and comment.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »