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Cute~Ella Is Bold

While brainstorming about what to write blogs about, I wanted to find a way for my readers to get to know some of the awesome people who I know.  The best way I could come up with was an interview series.

Meet my friend Cute~Ella Is BoldCute~Ella is a great gal who I met through a social networking group I’m part of.  Since we’ve met she’s proven to be a great friend who knows how to listen and can give un-biased advice when it’s needed.  So… without further ado – here is Cute~Ella.  🙂

Name: Cute~Ella is Bold

Age: Closing in on 30 faster than my mother would like.  (Turning 30 on Saturday!)

Location: Upstate NY. Yes, there is one of those. It’s actually quite large.

Hails From: East Bum-fuck NY – within an hour radius of Oneonta, NY

Relationship Status: Newly not single.

Children: None of my own yet, I’m enjoying letting my friends have turns, planning baby showers and spoiling their kids.

Blog Link: http://cuteellaisbold.wordpress.com

Cute~Ella Is Bold

Occupation: My real job isn’t exciting. It’s supposed to make an impact, but all it really impacts for the most part is my company’s bottom line. Also, I spend a lot of time in bathing suits either teaching midgets not to drown or refining bigger midgets strokes by yelling things like “reach!”. “kick!”, “glide!”, “breathe!” and various other things across the pool.

What is the most challenging part of your job? My real job? Not quitting because I’m bored and need a change…swimming lessons is more like play time, but I’d have to say not getting kicked, flashing boobs when the little ones grab my bathing suit straps and or not getting spit on when they come up for air.

How did you get into blogging? I started blogging in 2004 for no reason I can remember now, then my friend passed away and I found that it was a good distraction and when I needed to get stuff off my chest it was a good way to do so.

Why did you move to the Capital District? I came up for college and for various and sundry reasons, just haven’t left yet.

What thoughts went through your mind when you found our your little brother was getting deployed to Iraq? He was deployed to Iraq in Oct ’08.  It was complicated because I was so proud of him and what he was doing, but at the same time I was so scared for him.  I eventually put it up to Fate that he was well-trained, focused and that he would be home again.  My parents were more worried and I think part of the reason I was alright for the most part was because I was more focused on being there for them coordinating Christmas and my Dad’s retirement party than anything else.
Of course I worried all the time and started crocheting because it was the one thing I could do and not think about what he was doing and where he was.  Also, I started working out with a friend and that took my mind off what was going on because she was trying to kick my ass regularly.
I can say though that the training camps and being out of touch for long periods of time helped.  Also, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been because we had internet connections on both ends and he and I had a deal that we didn’t have to talk or email, but I had to see that he had logged into My Space on a regular basis or I’d worry more.  He’s all about me not worrying.

I know you like crocheting.  What is the most complicated project you’ve completed? Haha complicated? I don’t really do complicated.  I do hats and scarves and I’m going to do a couple blankets for soon to be arriving bundles of joy.  I am going to try making a poncho type thing for my niece.  See the problem is, I don’t really know how to read patterns, I just play with different yarns and/or materials and hope for the best!

What’s it like being a swim instructor? Have you ever tried corralling cats?  Kidding.  I love it.  I teach little kids basics and have fun refining older kids strokes.  Sometimes it’s wicked stressful but it’s almost always fun.  Every time a kid “gets” it, it’s a personal victory.  I liked my special needs kids the best, but right now we don’t have a special needs program at the pool I’m at.  Also, it’s quite inspiring to know I have to be in a bathing suit so many nights a week…keeps the inner fat chick at bay.

Do you find that kids are well-behaved because they enjoy time in the water? Sometimes.  They try to be good for me, but some kids are just rambunctious or are facing other things that make it difficult.  After 15 years of doing this, frankly, if no one drowns and we all learn something new, then I consider it a good day.  I had some kids years ago we’ll call Igor and Namanja (because those are their actual names) and they were terrible.  If we could make it through a class without they punching each other, trying to hold the other ones head under water or kicking each other in the junk then it was a seriously successful day.  They were hands down the worst children I had ever met.  I have often wondered what was going on to make them act out like that

How large are your classes? Up to 8 kids at a time.  If I have more than 6 they give me a helper.  My current one is awesome, but I fear that he will realize how good he is and want his own class.  Then they’ll give me someone new to break in.

What do you do if you get a bad kid? There are no “bad” kids.  I have kids that misbehave, kids that are going through a lot of changes in their life outside of class, kids who don’t want to be there, and kids who have trouble paying attention.  When they misbehave they get a warning, if they do it again they have to sit out of the pool, and after that if they do it again they get out for the day.  I’ve only had to tell one parent in my current program that if their kid doesn’t get better at listening/behaving then they can not return next session.  The parent took it well because at this point, they’re just wasting money.

Cute~Ella Is Bold

What book has had an impact on how you think about life? Oh gosh, so many books! I don’t even know where to start.  PS I Love You by Cecelia Ahern hit home hard.  When I read it, I had just lost a dear friend of mine/ex-boyfriend to complications from his lung replacement and it was just a really meaningful book to read right then and there.  The Lorax by Dr. Seuss when I was little and it really did help form an opinion of “different is ok or even good” at an early age, my Intro to Semiotics class book in college – it really changed my view on word usage, and then a book in college about how a message is affected by the media used and mode of communication.  That was really fun to play with.  An example of this is the song “Good Riddance“, by Green Day. it’s a song we all know and most of us have loved or at least even liked, but if you read the lyrics with any degree of anger it’s not a happy goodbye, it’s the ultimate F*ck You.  (You might only know the song by it’s secondary title of “Time of Your Life”.)
I’m working in Ishmael by Daniel Quinn right now.  It’s about a Gorilla who has the meaning of life.  I try to take something meaningful/educational from every book I read.  Even the trashy novels.  It might not be the message the author intended, but I get something out of it all.
I just finished reading Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore.  It’s religious satire at it’s finest.  The writer is either drunk, stoned or crazy – or some combination of the three.  (and I say that with the utmost admiration and respect for his talents.)

What do you worry about? I am a worrier by nature.  I want my friends and family to be happy, healthy and loved. I worry about my parents, my siblings, my friends and their troubles and about finding a new job before I go completely nutso here.  I worry that I don’t have it in me to make it through the next year with my guy, but I’ll find a way… I worry about money, if I’m eating the right food, if my car is going to die.  Maybe worry isn’t the right word for some of it, but there’s a lot of passing concern and thought.

What do you miss most about your childhood? The only thing I miss  about my childhood is the simplicity and reading by the pool every day all summer while I life-guarded (rarely had patrons).  I don’t want to go back and relive high-school, I wasn’t a typical kid.  My parents divorced when I was really little and I had a more adult role from about the age of 5.  I was then raising my kid sister (we have different moms) at 14 on weekends… my parents actually considered letting me take the GED and leave high-school to start college at 16.

Cute~Ella Is Bold

What’s a goal in your life you have yet to accomplish? Figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I’m not sure I’ll ever figure that out to tell you the truth.  Right now my goals include saving 6 months worth of living expenses, making sure my friends, family, and new guy know how much I care about them, finding a job that I like more, working on the 101 in 1,001 Days, and finding a way to relax on vacation.  I don’t do relaxed very well. 😦

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I’m going to start out by saying that none of what you are about to read is about anyone that you know online or anyone you’ve met or anyone I’ve talked about, so don’t start speculating that you know this person.  I can guarantee that you don’t.  Literally about 5 people I know have met this person and they don’t read my blog so…  moving on.

I have a very close friend who is in a relationship.  He met a girl about 6 months ago.  He liked her and they kept in touch.  He went to see her roughly once a month and then at the beginning of January they decided to step things up and see each other more often and see if they could turn things into more than what they previously were.  One important thing I’ve left out is that she lives 3 hours away from him.  (He just moved last weekend – prior to his move it was 8 hours)

I would like to see your honest opinions of what you’d do in his situation.  What questions would you ask?  Would you run?  Would you stay and sort it out?  What would you do? What advice do you have for him?

Buckle up, put on your crash helmet and hang on.  Here we go….

He met her one night while traveling in a bar at a hotel he was staying in.  They got chatting for hours and at the end of the night she gave him her number.  He thought she was cute and the conversation was good so he kept in touch with her.  The girl is married with two young children.  She is estranged from her husband, but they’re not divorced.  He’s moved out of the house, but I’m not sure when that happened.

My friend has been the one to drive back and forth to see her.  He’s been the one who always seems to be going out of his way for her.  (Each visit costs him $200 between his hotel room for the night and gas)  She understandably can’t just up and leave to see him for the weekend because of her children.  I wonder if this will always be the way.  Even after she’s divorced will she be able to take the children out of the county where her and her husband lived?  Divorce laws vary by county in the state she lives in.  And they do NOT recognize legal separations.  They’ve been keeping their relationship behind closed doors until she speaks with an attorney (this week) to find out the consequences if her husband does find out she has a boyfriend.  The way I see it, since her state doesn’t recognize legal separations, it would probably be viewed as adultery.  Could this possibly jeopardize her custody situation?  I’m not sure.  While we’re on the issue of her kids, how easy is it going to be for my friend to raise someone else’s kids?  Will her ex-husband make it a living hell for him?  My friend obviously can’t even meet these kids to see what they’re like.  (Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand this, it’s not healthy for kids to meet everyone their Mom or Dad dates until it’s serious)

She seems to communicate with him most often by text messaging.  Picking up the phone and calling him seems to be a foreign concept for her.  He’ll send her a text at 7AM and he might hear back from her by 2 in the afternoon if he’s lucky.  She’ll ask him to text her when he gets home after work so she can call him.  He’ll send the text at 7:15PM and not hear back from her.  She’s used the excuse over and over again that she fell asleep with her kids.  That excuse is getting really old and tired….  This is the first month the two of them have been dating more seriously and she doesn’t seem to care about communicating with him.  When she DOES communicate it’s always sweet, nice and flattering, it’s just getting her TO communicate that’s the problem.  She’s asked him to let her know when he’s home from work so she can call, he’s passed up dinners to wait for her call that never comes.  He really likes her and didn’t mind sacrificing some time with his buddies for her, but he DOES mind it when she couldn’t be bothered to call.  She paints a really pretty picture with her words and flattery, but she doesn’t seem to back it up with actions.  You know the old adage “Actions speak louder than words.”  My friend is willing to drop everything and pick up that phone and make time for her whenever.  Again, he’s going out of his way for her.  But it’s getting to the point that he feels like he’s 10th or 12th on her list.  I understand that her children are first, as they should be, but he should be right up there at the top with them.  He doesn’t feel like he’s important to her because she’s not showing it….  He talked to her a few weeks ago that she needed to step up her communication skills and this is how it’s been since then.
Is she just playing head games with him?
Does she want to be chased?
Is that why her communications skills SUCK??
She seems to have a lot of time that’s unaccounted for.
What’s she doing that she can’t call or text him?

My friend mentioned to her at one point that he wanted to join the rest of the world and go out and get a laptop.  He works with computers all day long so the last thing he wants to do when he gets home is play around on the computer.  He’s been thinking about it though.  When he told her this her response was “What, are you going to go and get a Facebook account too?” (and she wasn’t saying it in a joking way)  She said that she likes that he’s not online.  (I’m not sure if she’s worry he’ll cheat on her, catch her online, or be hit on by other women??)  She did tell him that she has a MySpace that she rarely uses.  What she failed to mention is that she does have a Facebook with a decent number of friends.  We don’t know if she goes on it often, but isn’t it kind of hypocritical?  I’m not saying she has a ton of friends – in fact she’s got nothing compared to me, but the point is it’s pretty shitty to make it clear she doesn’t want him on there when she is.

Every time they’ve met up since the night they met, they’ve met at a hotel in the town where she lives.  They hang out there and don’t go out in public because they don’t want to run into her ex or someone that could tell him.  So one weekend he went with her to a football game out of town.  It’s the first time they were ever really in public together.  She spent pretty much the whole game flirting and heckling a guy who was sitting in front of her.  She ignored my friend.  He almost walked out of the stadium and went home.  When he finally confronted her about it, she didn’t understand why he was upset.  That would have been a deal killer for me.  Disrespect is a HUGE deal killer for me.  For my friend it usually is too.  This girl played it off that she didn’t think it was a big deal.  The guy she was talking to was cheering for the other team and she was having fun.  If it was me and I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in weeks, I would have spent the whole time talking to him because I hadn’t seen him in a couple weeks.  But that would be me….I wonder how she’ll behave in public next time they go somewhere? I hope she learns from last time….

He made a comment on one visit that she could be cheating on him and he wouldn’t even know it because he lives so far away from her.  Her response was “When would I have the time?”  That sounded like a very evasive answer to me.  My response would have been something like “I have you, I don’t want anyone else, and you’re the guy for me and the only one I want.”

A big concern that my friend has is that from what he sees this girl has never had an example of a healthy relationship in her life.  Her Father left when she was young and her parents divorced.  Her Mom remarried and got divorced again.  She’ll even admit that she knew she was making a mistake the day she got married and referred to her marriage as “lust at first sight.”  She’s never had a healthy relationship to model herself after….  This girl is 35 years old and loves to watch The Real World and Jersey Shore.  Isn’t it time to get interested in something a little less juvenile?  I have friends who watched Jersey Shore and asked if they can have that hour of their life back.  My friends concern is that the more you watch crap like that on TV you get desensitized.  You start to think that cheating and treating people like crap is ok and it’s a way of life.  When he brought this up to her she told him to watch Sex In The City if he wanted to understand women.  Seriously? I think a comment like that is the kiss of death for this girl.  My friend is an old fashioned kind of guy.  He’s got manners, morals, and values.  He doesn’t treat women like objects.  Is this guy watches that show, he’s going to think all girls are like Samantha who’s out getting laid with a different guy every night of the week.  That is not what this guy wants to see.  He doesn’t need to see Carrie go out with one guy and go to a bar and make out with another guy.  Saying women are like what you see on Sex In The City is not the way to get to this guys heart.  (And for the record I LOVE SITC, but I’d never tell a guy that’s what all women are like and what all women want!)

This girl is good to him face to face.  She can carry on a great conversation when they’re together and she’s got his attention.  Something about her made him notice her.  The problem for her is that his attention is waning….  He went to see her last week and was going to lay a lot of these issues he has with her out on the table among others (YES there are OTHER issues on top of all these) but when he got there she had cooked him a nice dinner and brought it to the hotel, so he felt bad about coming into that with an ambush and didn’t bring it up.  He also didn’t want to stress her out a couple days before she’s going to talk to an attorney because he realizes that talking to an attorney will be stressful enough.  He cares about this girl quite a bit, he says they do have some stuff in common, but I feel like she just doesn’t know a thing about him.  If she did she wouldn’t be behaving the way she is.

My friend is honestly one of the sweetest, nicest guys on God’s green Earth, but he’s the rebound guy.  (She says she hasn’t dated anyone since her husband)  He’s a great guy, he isn’t controlling, he thinks that both parties in a relationship should be making decisions together, but she seems to be wearing the pants and controlling where this relationship is going at the moment and in my friends words “No cat will ever walk this dog.”

As I’ve talked to him I’ve come up with tons of unanswered questions.  Obviously my first one is security.  My friend makes good money, has a house, nice car, a few expensive toys on the side…  Could she just be looking for a soft place to land?  A sugar Daddy to take care of her and her kids?  Or does she really care about him because he’s a great guy and how he makes her feel?  My friend puts his girl up on a pedestal.  Since he started noticing all this stuff he’s knocked her down a bit, but he still treats her wonderfully through it all.  He doesn’t want to become a doormat though.

Another concern is if he sticks it out with her somehow and then she gets her divorce will she leave him in the dust and ride off into the sunset with some other guy now that she’s free of her marriage??  Having been through a divorce myself I’ve explained to my friend that she will be a different woman after all is said and done.  I know I went in one way and came out the other side much harder, less trusting, annoyed much easier….

I worry quite a bit about my friend.  (Hence this being the longest blog I’ve ever written) There are questions sprinkled throughout this whole situation.  I worry that if he breaks up with her though without getting some sort of closure will he forever wonder what would have happened if he stayed?

What are your honest opinions of what you’d do in his situation?
What questions would you ask?
Would you run?
Would you stay and sort it out?
What would you do?
What advice do you have for him?

Thank you for reading this!  I know it was long winded and I REALLY appreciate it.
Please subscribe and comment.

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Delurker Day 2010


Today is officially Delurker Day!!

What is Delurker Day?
Let’s start out by defining a lurker.
Someone who lurks in this case is basically someone who visits internet discussion forums, blogs, chat rooms, newsgroups, etc who doesn’t contribute.
So today is the official day to call all the lurkers out and to ask you to come out and play.

Say “Hello,”  tell me what your favorite website/song/movie/color is.
Tell me what you like to read about.
Tell me if you’re on Twitter (and if so give me your link)
We don’t bite, we just nibble a little bit.

Thank you to my friend Rude Cactus for making me aware of this online tradition.
I believe his friend Greeblemonkey was also involved as well.

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Good evening all!

I’ve been trying to come up with blogging topics to keep all of you interested.  Tell me what you’d find interesting and amusing to read about.   I’m sure you’ll see blogs mentioning Miss Isabella our puppy.  A friend suggested blogging about bad parenting because he knows I have some very strong feelings on the subject.  I read something today that talked about the word FEAR so I plan to do something regarding the word and the way people view fear differently.  I’m sure some list blogs will be thrown in as well.

Make sure you subscribe though the link on the top right of the page.

Moving on:

I updated my picture up top.  It’s a picture that Michael took on Route 23 in the Catskills.  I’m sure I’ll occasionally change it but I wanted to make sure I gave him credit for it.

What were you doing this morning at 6AM?  I was giving a shout out on Twitter to my friend Andrew Badera.  You see usually when he goes online it’s my cue to go to bed because lately I’ve been a major night owl.  (Or vampire if you ask my friend Rich)   What was I doing you might ask?  Last night I was searching for ringtones for my new phone.  I got a Verizon HTC Touch Pro2 and so far I really like it.  I’ve had one problem so far.  For some reason it’s bumping out everyone’s birthday by 1 day.  I called my friend Jessica at Verizon on Central Avenue in Albany and she’s going to research it and let me know tomorrow.  I’m hoping it’s just something that’s a silly operator technique.   Anyway, you’d think that would be enough and going to bed I’d go to sleep correct?  WRONG!  I went to bed but then I opened up my Nintendo DS and started playing my Math Personal Trainer game.  Can you say ADDICTING?  WOW!  For two nights in a row I’ve spent hours playing the game.  It’s not even really a game.  It’s more like filling in math problems really really fast.  I’m really good at it, but I’m trying to beat my 136 second record of filling in 100 math problems in a grid.  It’s not as easy as it sounds.  Part of the problem is getting the screen to recognize my figure for the number 4.  I’m getting better though.  So needless to say I wasn’t really shocked when I finally woke up and it was time for General Hospital.  I slept away a lot of my day, but had a good time during the night while you were all snoozing.  Ugh, I need to find a job.

What do you do when you stay up late at night?

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